There have recently been a swath cut across the country when a number of incidents have cause mysterious outbreaks of painful rashes in a number of different cities.
- It began in Los Angeles. *DUN DUN DUN.* It all started on May 16th when students at McArthur High came down, ALMOST INSTANTLY with rashes that cover their body. A number of teachers were infected as well. Someone had the presence of mind to think “hey, this seems really fucking weird” and so they called the Hazmat teach, and everyone was decontaminated. No deaths… or strange side effects… have yet been reported.
- Then, 2 days later, a mysterious chemical exploded in someones luggage in a Florida airport, which caused flights and passengers to be held over and delayed. I’m not saying this is definitely related to the theory that someone is testing a zombie-virus or zombie-drug on American civilians, but what better place to spread something like that than in a major american airport? Am I the only one to recognize this as the driving plot of 12 Monkeys?
- On May 24th, in Fort Lauderdale,(the same city where the contaminated airport was) came down with THE SAME MYSTERIOUS INSTANTANEOUS RASHES AS THOSE THAT KIDS IN THE LOS ANGELES HIGH-SCHOOL CAME DOWN WITH!!! And yes, that sentence required CAPS LOCK. This is insane!
- Then, on May 28th, some sort of unidentified “Hazardous Materials” were released in a lab at The University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign, according to a safety tweet sent out by the school to the students. And where was it released from? THE INSTITUTE FOR GENOMIC BIOLOGY!!! For those of you who don’t know, Genomic Biology is the study of the genome, and the biology of the human genome. You know, your genetic code? That code that you could change to turn people into wild, crazed zombie monsters!